3.25.2008

On a more serious note...

... we opened up the job search today, to areas other than just San Antonio. While this may seem somewhat insignificant, it's sort of the last thing we've been holding on to. San Antonio is home. We grew up here, we fell in love here, we've always returned here for wonderful family reunions and now we're finally back! Surely this is where God intends us to be... right? Or, is this the last thing we won't let go of in our attempt to maintain some control over the wheel of our own lives?

Okay Lord, wherever you lead we'll go.

So, we're giving it over, all of it, to God. If he wants us here, he'll open a door for us to stay here, but the willingness of our hearts to go wherever He leads is what's important now. It's huge, and it's scary, and it's honestly not what our hearts desire... but it's right, and there's a peace that's settled in the dust of something we've long been holding captive.

Once again, as they have at a few other turning points in my life, Rich Mullins' lyrics ring through my head almost constantly throughout the day...

Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big, and my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf,
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of peace?
*
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul, I swear there must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf,
You have been King of my glory, won't you be my Prince of peace?
*
Surrender don't come natural to me,
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
*
And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So, hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf...
You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of peace.

9 comments:

Kim said...

Wow, Janelle. You will surely be rewarded for your trust and faithfulness in Him. Good for you!

The Light Family said...

Janelle,

My heart goes out to you! I have just prayed and will continue to pray for you and your family. I pray you find rest in His peace and knowing He has something great for your family. You're in our prayers.

Suzann said...

Yeah! Way to open up the box! You will never regret letting God put you where He wants you! Praises :0)

Bruce Judisch said...

Proud of ya, kiddo!

Love, Mom and Dad

E said...

Oh, Janelle! Now I'm all weepy! Sigh. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I know this is not what your hearts desire and I pray the Lord will answer the desire of your hearts and provide for your family where you are. Or, that He'll align your hearts' desire with His will if you are meant to live somewhere else. I know He will honor your faithfulness and willingness to submit your location, your desires & your dreams to Him.

I'm thankful for the peace you feel, which I know has been born out of pain. Letting that go had to hurt. It hurt me just reading it, so it had to hurt you living it!

This has been my theme verse in times of change (and, particularly over the last year or so). I hope it strikes the same chord in your heart that it did in mine:

Thus says Yahweh, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters, who brings out chariot and horse, army and warrior; they lie down, they cannot rise, they are extinguished, quenched like a wick: Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. The wild animals will honour me, the jackals and the ostriches; for I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people whom I formed for myself so that they might declare my praise.

Isaiah 43:16-21

Our love & prayers are with you!

Erica

Kristen & Dave said...

Its hard, huh? And the thought of leaving family can be so overwhelming you can't breathe. And yet He is the giver of all good gifts, even the ones we don't want yet. I can feel your struggle and appreciate your candor. Can't wait to hear what God does through all of this. Prayers from VA...

Gary and Krissy said...

Wow. You have no idea how your post has spoken to me. Lots of similarities in our situations, and that song/those lyrics were exactly what my heart needed to hear right now. Thank you, Janelle, for opening up your heart.
We're praying for you.

God Bless,
Krissy :)

gLORIous said...

Oh, I know how hard it was to come to that place in your life...trusting God to lead without telling Him where you want to go is definitely hard! I still struggle with that in my own life! Learning to let go is hard, but it is becoming easier and easier. I'll be praying for you all!

MassMc said...

Janelle, May the good Lord Bless you and your family. We are a McCann family. I am originally from Boston, Ma. We are a military family, we lived near Fort Sam Houston two years ago. I am retired from the Army, my wife remains on active duty. We have three daughters, two in college, one in High School. Again, God Bless - especially your beautiful baby!